Broadway Bares X


Linda and I planned to arrive in plenty of time to be at the front of the line in hopes of getting in first to get a decent view of the stage. We didn't want to miss a minute of Alan's performance. Unfortunately, traffic on the NJ Turnpike was NOT cooperating and we were running way behind schedule. In fact, we did not get to the Roseland until about 15 minutes before the show was to start. Our consolation was that we did not have to stand for 1.5 hours in the rain while waiting to get in.

ALAN We walked in and the place was pretty crowded. We decided to head to the far side of the stage, and on our way there, we ran into Eliza who introduced us to her friends. We then went to move a bit closer to the stage and found that we really couldn't get very close at all. We were resigned to the fact that we would have to crane our necks and stand on our tippy-toes in order to see any of the action. We decided that we would push to the front for the midnight show.

We watched the show in anticipation of Alan's entrance. Every time a slender person with short dark hair appeared on stage, we leaned a little closer to see if it was Alan. Linda Eder appeared on stage to sing a song, and towards the end of the song all the dancers came out on stage. Horrors! I realized THIS was the finale! But where was Alan? Had we somehow missed him? Had he not shown up, had a last minute change of heart? We were petrified and very, very upset.

The person in charge of BB came out and introduced Bruce Vilanch, who made some lame jokes. Then, he introduced the new Sally Bowles (Joely Fisher) and the original Emcee...Alan Cumming! Tah-dah-dah! Ha! They walked out together and started naming all the sponsors of BB. It was heaven to see Alan on stage, and quite grand to hear his voice, but we hadn't really paid money to see him talk for 5 minutes. This was Broadway Bares after all!

ALAN At this point, Linda and I were beyond disappointed. This brief glimpse paled in comparison to last year's performance (heck, even the alphabet reading in his pj's was sexier!).

After all the thank-you's, the dancers cleared the stage to prepare for "rotations" (which is where they come out onto the catwalk areas, which there are 3 of and jut out into the audience, and dance and gyrate while the people in the audience slip money down their pants, boots, wherever.) Linda Eder sang another song, and then the dancers came out to do their thing.

Linda and I looked at one another, not quite sure what to do. Did we really want to stay through the midnight show as well to suffer the disappointment again?

Suddenly, we see Alan coming back out on stage. He heads for the catwalk, and starts doing his thing! Yes, Alan was dancing for money!

ALAN At this point, nothing is going to stop Linda and I from getting to the catwalk. We start pushing and shoving our way through the crowd (leaving Eliza behind....sorry!), more determined than ever to get to the stage. We get halfway there, keeping our eyes on Alan the whole time, and suddenly we're stopped. There's a barrier in the middle of the dance floor! Linda and I are ready to climb over it or kick down one, but the security people must have seen the crazed looks in our eyes, because they came and removed it from our path. We start heading for the catwalk where Alan had been, but he'd moved! He was now shaking his thing down the center catwalk.

So, we headed over that way, pushing people down, scratching and clawing (just kidding!). Finally, we had reached our destination. We were about 2 feet from Alan, in his kilt, letting people shove money into his waist band. Of course, my camera had been out and in good use since he first appeared, and so Linda asked me to take a picture while she gave him some money. Linda calls out his name, "Alan" and he smiles and bends down so Linda can reach him. She happily stuffs a 5-spot down his kilt and I happily take a picture of the event. Then I whip out my 10 (not to be outdone by Linda) and wave it at him, so he pauses where he is and I more-happily-than-should-be-allowed shove the money into his kilt. Dear Lord! What have I done? I am way too conservative for this sort of behavior! But how can one resist?

ALAN I turn around, half stunned, and hear my name called out. Daisy has appeared before me and we happily swap battle stories. I'm still quite in shock at this point, and we just linger where we are, not wanting to move from such a great position. We chat for a while and then we see Alan heading back our way. I take out a $1 bill Linda had given me eariler (my only bill left was a $20....) and I start calling out to Alan, so he comes back over and we repeat the procedure, this time Linda taking a picture of me with him. :) Then, Alan turns to the opposite side of the stage and Linda (whose nickname should now be changed to Incredibly Bold Linda) waits until he comes back over to hand him $10 and then proceeds to ask him for a kiss! Even more surprisingly, Alan obliged! He leans right down and plants one on her! Of course, I was standing by with the camera, but he was too quick for me to get a picture. Alan must have sensed Linda's disappointment, for he hesitates before he stood up, looks in my direction, sees me standing there with the camera, and says to Linda, "Oh, you wanted one for the picture". Linda nods and smiles so he leans back down and Linda reaches up and he kisses her again! I got the picture the second time, much to Linda's utter enjoyment.

Anyway, we decided we had to stay for the midnight show since we missed most of the first, so we stayed and had a lovely time (I even made a new friend). Unfortunately, by the end of the second show, the heat and the pain from standing in one place for so long had gotten to us, and I felt really ill. So, we decided to call it a night. Plus, the fact that we still had a 2.5 hour drive ahead of us and a full work day for me was a deciding factor as well.


BBX Pictures
1 2 3
Broadway Bares IX
BC/EFA Article


NOTE: All pictures on this page are copyrighted by Beth. Do not take.